I’d Rather Burn Out Than Fade Away

Art by Miss Wren

I’m terrified of fading away. I’m terrified of not leaving my mark on the world.

It’s not so much dying one day, but not living out my dreams.

I don’t want to work in an office or a customer call centre or behind a till.

I want to be a writer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a poet. I want to be a singer.

I’d rather try and do my best at all of these things and be dead at 50 than live into my eighties, wondering what could have been as I sit in a care home.

Maybe that’s a little morbid for someone who’s only 29 years old, but at this point I feel like I haven’t even got off the ground.

My poor mental health and my rocky childhood have robbed me of so much. I have a chip on my shoulder. I’ve envied those who had it better than me for a long time. Not anymore.

I’ve realised that sort of thinking doesn’t get you anywhere. My scars have healed and they’ve made me strong. There’s very little I fear now.

Not giving it everything I’ve got is my greatest fear of all. I would rather burn out than fade away. I want to live my life to the full than kind of live for a long time, not amounting to much.

That’s why I write more now. That’s why I draw more now. That’s why I lift weights and walk in the woodlands. I want to be alive. I want to feel alive.

I’d rather burn out than fade away.

Written by Miss Wren

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