Life Is Always Changing — And So Are You

Photo by Jan Kopřiva from Pexels

I’ve been writing this article on the bus. It’s awkward; I’m not going to lie. It jitters as it cruises along, and brakes suddenly, interrupting my flow. I’m on the same bus I used to take for my old job back in Dec 2018. I worked as a temp for three weeks as a Data Entry Clerk for a delivery company. All I did was amend addresses and confirm that they were correct, so they were sent off to the right place before Christmas.

It was an easy job, except that I was doing it at from 7 pm to 6 am most nights, with a near 2-hour commute tacked on there and back. I was exhausted and cranky, but I finished the three weeks with my sanity mostly in-tact.

Fast forward to December 2019, and I’m on the same bus route, working 8 am-5 pm instead. It’s nice to see some sunlight on the commute for a change!

This time around, I’m a Data Entry Administrator. In this job, I’m logging, querying and amending existing addresses for customers and electricity suppliers alike. Incorrect addresses mean that electricity may not reach the right destination. It’s a delicate and data-heavy process. It’s my job as part of a team to make sure that there’s just the right amount of power on the grid, and that each household and business in the area get the right amount of electricity.

In short, I’ve gone from distributing packages to distributing electricity, and both the roles require addresses.

It’s kind of funny how no matter how things have progressed for the better that you still wind up coming full circle. You find yourself returning to the things that you left behind.

It could be rediscovering the music of your youth that you left in a dingy attic, or it could be reading the stories to your children that your parents read to you as a kid. It could be anything.

No matter how far we go into the unknown, we get pulled back to the familiar. It’s like a siren’s song — distant and ethereal at first, but louder and more enchanting as you get closer.

The trick to not crashing into the rocks is to know that no matter how many times you revisit something you love from your past, you can never be the person you were when you discovered it for the first time.

Life is a cycle of perpetual forward motion. I may be doing a similar job in a similar location with a similar commute, but it’s not the same job. My current job is better than the one I had in 2018. I have been working for nearly two months — more than twice as long as the old job! I’m practically guaranteed a 6-month contract, and my role could even become permanent!

Sometimes I look at the person I was a year ago and wonder how I even did that job! For three weeks, all I did was eat, work and sleep. My downtime was zero, and my weekends were a tired haze. I had to postpone my counselling sessions because I had no time for them. The only things that kept me going were sheer stubbornness and the promise of money. I think I surprised everyone by taking it on!

Here I am again, on the bus on the way to work while most people are still in bed. I hope that I never stop surprising people. That’s one thing that I hope will never change. If there’s one thing that I hope you take from my story, it’s that we are all evolving, no matter how often we come across the same situations.

Written by Miss Wren

I Don’t Want a Job Anymore

I have a confession to make. I don’t want a job anymore.

Let me explain.

I’ve had jobs before. I worked my ass off in these jobs. I get satisfaction from doing a hard day’s work, even if it’s not the job I want.

I’ve been unemployed for over six months now. It feels a lot longer than six months. While I’ve been grateful for having this time to work on myself and improve my mental and physical health — I feel ultimately lost.

I’m not annoyed at the lack of response from employers anymore. I used to be, but now I’m just apathetic. I’ve got to this point where I can only spend half an hour each day searching and applying for work. Whenever I apply for jobs, existential stress floods my nervous system to the point that even the smallest error in an application makes me want to throw my laptop across the room. I’m no longer surprised when I see another rejection email in my inbox. At least they took a whole 2 minutes to write an email to let me down easy.

When I talk about existential stress, it’s more like my soul is crying out ‘Stop it! Why are you doing this to yourself?!’ whenever I apply for a job. I listen to that voice but apply for jobs anyway. Why? It’s what my family want, its what society wants and if I don’t do it, then I don’t get that welfare payment every month that allows me to buy the things I need to stay sane in my current position.

I’ve spent a large chunk of my life so far living for others and doing things that I think people want from me. I’ve spent the last year and a half cultivating a disciplined life and a better mental state after my breakdown. It’s not enough, though. I’ve helped myself to a point where I can help others and do some good in society. I don’t think my role in society is a typical 9–5 one.

Everyone has a part to play in our society, and it’s more than our job title.I used to think that I was worthless without a job, but I know that’s wrong. When I say I don’t want a job, I don’t want a job to take away the time that I’ve spent working on my writing and my art. I want these things as a job. I want to go freelance. It’s something I’ve thought about for a while now, and I’ve been afraid of being successful in my passions. Now that I’ve written it down I’m not so afraid anymore. I think I can do this!

Written by Miss Wren

Celebrating the Little Victories

Image by author

Today has been tough but rewarding.

It’s good to finally have created an illustration just for this article!

I thought about writing a full-length article, but that can wait for another day!

I’ve been nervous about posting my own art online for the last few weeks. Whilst I’ve been sketching in my sketchbook most days, I had lost my confidence to actually post anything.

I didn’t believe that my art was any good.

Not thinking your skill is good enough to be shared stops many people from progressing in that skill. It doesn’t matter if you draw, write or play an instrument. It’s prevalent in all creative pursuits. When you demonstrate your skill to the wider world, we expose ourselves to rejection, criticism, and ridicule.

It’s not easy to overcome.

So every time you do share a song you’ve made, a sketch you’ve done or a poem you’ve written, give yourself a pat on the back! Treat yourself! Quite often the anticipation of showing someone your work is worse than the act.

The only way you can overcome your fear is to keep sharing the stuff you make. The more you do it, the less scary it becomes. That’s not to say that the fear completely goes away — your mind is just able to handle it better. I’m less nervous about sharing my writing than I am with my art.

Creativity is an expression of the human soul. We are vulnerable when we show our talents to the public. It’s okay to be a little scared. Most other artists understand this and tend to avoid being too critical of other artists in the same field. We’re all in the same boat.

So I’m giving myself a pat on the back for sharing this illustration! I hope to do more illustrations for articles in the near future!

Written by Miss Wren